well most of my day revolves around power hour
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
