I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You made out with two different species that night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
