So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
