summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
