You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
