Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
