you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My penis needs a shock collar
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
