I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
