i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
