this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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