She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
