Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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