I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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