How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
