u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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