just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just forgot I was standing up.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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