Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize