I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
