A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
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