Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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