I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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