its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize