At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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