I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
