i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
