Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dick very happy bro
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
