I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
