I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
