he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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