she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
