jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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