i don't like sucking hair
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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