I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
