oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
