You're completely useless in the revolution.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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