In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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