I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just pee around me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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