Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
