I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
