i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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