I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
