i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
