I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
