I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
