Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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