piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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