Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
