just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
