I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
