every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
