the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
