I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
