Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
