Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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