I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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