I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
