when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
