my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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