Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
