ya dads aren't the best wingmen
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
MIDGETS
????
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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