Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
