Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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