What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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