I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
