I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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