shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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