apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
