He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
