i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
