i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
